so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
