I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
