I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
