I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
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he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
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And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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