The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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