i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
