I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
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I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
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This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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