Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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