I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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