I seem to have left my pride at pride
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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