i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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