Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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