I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize