Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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