..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
