So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
two words...techno handjob
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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