did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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