We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
