an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
