Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
