dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I looked at my own cervix.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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