Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
