The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
