she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
