i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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