His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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