I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize