I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
