you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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