We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
