Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
