It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
