Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
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It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
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I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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