my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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