i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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