I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
