im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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