i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
