I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
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He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
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Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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