Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Two words: blizzard sex
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
