Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
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I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
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He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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