Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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