I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My penis needs a shock collar
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
