piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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