Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
