I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
