i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
