sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You pole danced in your parka.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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