Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
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One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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