In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
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Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
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I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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