She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
