I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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