Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
