oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
