God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
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There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
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I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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