There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I had to cum in my sink.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
