Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
