I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
