There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Randomize
