she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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