I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
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