Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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