you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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