dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
