So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
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I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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